As I grow older and experience more life- listen to the struggles and everyday experiences of friends and family I realize how living results in this continual breaking open, expanding, and bloody-ing of our hearts.
Through time we get beat up, torn apart, and humbled.
The pain of not living up to our own expectations, or the expectations of others.
The realization of our own limited capabilities.
The demands of parenthood- loss of 'self', loss of time, loss of brain cells and focus.
The trauma of deaths of our parents and loved ones- life ripped away too soon.
Not being accepted for who we are- not being sure of who we are.
The pain of broken relationships- friendships and marriages- resentment, frustration,
hurt, & anger.
It seems like somewhere along the line- after the idealistic entry into adulthood- these experiences start and they just keep coming. No end in sight they pile up one after another leaving no room to heal from one before the next arrives.
What are we to do with this? What are we to do with this bloody mess? This open, raw, fragile heart?
This is The Question.
Will we bleed all over others- make our pain the pain of all we come in contact with?
Will we become paralyzed- a heap of organs submitting to the gravity of life?
Will this rawness create a new space?
an opening for compassion?
a vulnerability toward others?
Is there enough grace to hold this bloody heart just as it is? Not expecting a miraculous return to the cleanliness of the past-
but an acceptance- an appreciation- perhaps even a noticing of the beauty of what is?
For the gift of having been broken open?
For the wisdom that comes from heartbreak?
What will come of this bloody mess?
*artwork by Cyd Holley